I am a proud father of four kids, ranging from seven to 23. They all have their personalities and sometimes you start questioning your sanity.
As you can imagine with such a clan, the affordability of a second car in South Africa is not really in the budget bracket, and we decided as a clan we would not have the pleasure of a second mode of transport.
All good and well, so my wife – the Minister of Transport – announced proudly at one of the family boardroom meetings (which often don’t go down well for the attendees) that Dad will now catch a taxi to the train station.
I will digress here and note, I was not aware of this decision, however, the years have taught me not to challenge management’s decision.
This now brings me to my driver who is a fabulous chap, however, some days I feel like I am in an action movie.
There is a famous line from the Hollywood movie Speed, the baddy has planted a bomb on a bus and Keanu Reeves – now the action hero – is tasked with saving the day.
The baddy says to him in the most malicious tone … “Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up” and so ensues a fabulous car chase or bus chase for the next ninety minutes.
The morning in question was when I was waiting for either the director of this action movie, I was currently living in, to shout CUT or perhaps see a fleet of police vehicles chasing after us.
My driver had fetched us (well the taxi guy, it just sounds so posh if I say driver).
It all started calmly, but then he discovered Shamboozey an African singer belting out country and Western tunes, which I must say honestly really did put some of the Western country singers to shame.
To be honest, I was interested in being the new character who braved to go where angels fear to tread – but at my age perhaps a nice cup of tea would be suffice to enjoy the new western sounds.
This was not the case, my man as I refer to him, had another ride to attend to – so he tried to use this mode of transport to test the sound barrier
And to make matters worse, he kept passing his phone to me and watching the videos of Shamboozey, while shooting past traffic lights and dodging South Africa’s potholes.
I was clutching on the chair and frantically wondering did I pack my high blood pressure medication?
I also started wondering in lucid moments whether I had life insurance and who would look after my family if I didn’t survive.
The amazing things you think of when breaking the sound barrier watching TikTok videos.
I can safely say I made my destination – the train station – frantically digging in my pocket to pop some sort of medication to lower my heart rate.
This now gave me time to consider perhaps I should challenge management on the decision not to acquire a second mode of transport.
This brings me to my next quandary.
There is another Hollywood movie – “The Hulk”.
He is a normal guy who goes green when angry and smashes everything in his way.
His line : “don’t make me angry, you don’t want to make me angry” flashed in my head.
So what is the verdict, I think I will go where angels fear to tread and call for another family board meeting and submit my proposal for a second mode of transport,
We will have to see what management says or perhaps double my life insurance.
